Jackie Mason completed rabbinical studies at Yeshiva University and was ordained, nevertheless, he spent his career as a comedian and described his humor as “it’s a man in a conversation, pointing things out to you.” He died on Saturday in Manhattan at the age of 93.
I went on YouTube and watched several videos that featured Mason and here are some witty, often irreverent, things he said:
- I used to pick on Nixon, Reagan, nobody cared, but when you pick on Clinton, the Jews get panicky. You’re not supposed to pick on a Democrat. You can call Reagan the lowest person, you can call Nixon any name you want, as soon as you say Clinton, “Why are you picking on the president?” They resented that I called him a liar because he doesn’t lie all the time. He doesn’t lie all the time? It’s only when he talks, that’s the only time.
- On his book Schmucks!, “We knock around everybody who deserves to be abused. We attack all the people who deserve it. It’s exactly the truth about people who deserve to be called schmucks.” “I have to be honest, it’s more about Democrats than Republicans.”
- The press won’t tell you the truth about obnoxious, low-class people with vicious qualities that deserve to be attacked. They won’t tell you, especially if they’re on their side politically.
- There’s no bigger schmuck than anyone who buys anything at Starbucks. If you’re stupid enough to want to waste money in a place that charges you four times as much as anything is worth, that’s your business. By the time you have 3 cups of coffee, it cost you $812.
- In a regular coffee shop, they’ll give you all the cream you want until you pass away. You can come in when you’re 12 and leave when you’re 73 and drink coffee for nothing.
- What does the civil rights movement have to do with stealing television sets from a Korean storekeeper?
- Money doesn’t make you happy. It never could. I know a guy who lives in a house without a sink, without hot water, without a ceiling, not nothing—but, he’s happy. You know why? He’s stupid.
- Women are also considered a minority. When they became a minority nobody knows.
- We don’t live in a free country. We live in a free country if you want to keep your mouth shut.
- Let’s be honest about it, the only people who can’t do what they please are tall, white protestant American gentiles.
- There’s a lot of stupid people in the world and you might be one of them.
Jackie Mason was around a long time and said a lot of funny things, things some of us think but would never say. Rest in Peace Mr. Mason and thanks for the introspection and laughs through the years.