By: Garrett Ward Sheldon
I have long thought that there must be a chamber in Hell called The Department of Absurd Ideas.
There, day and night, dozens of demons come up with the most ridiculous, crazy ideas and send them up to earth. Some of the most award-winning (The Red Badge of Lucifer, The Dragon Medal, and Ribbon of Satan) ideas include: abolishing private property will increase prosperity (Communism); twelve-year-old children can decide their gender; an environmentally-safe pipeline that increases energy and national security should be stopped; and the best: a senile, corrupt moron should be the most powerful person in the world.
The realization of that last one prompted a wild celebration, including champagne (albeit hot) and well-toasted croissants. Sometimes this Infernal Division even awards its earthly minions with devilish look-alike contests!
There are alternatives to this hellish chamber and its destructive notions. A cloud in Heaven is known as The Citadel of Truth. It is expressed in many forms, including St. Thomas Aquinas’s famous “Four-Legged Stool of Knowledge”; Reason, Experiences, Scripture, and Tradition. Consulting these sources of Divine Truth carefully, leads to the best policy possible.
Another source of Light is the United States Constitution Bill of Rights, especially the Freedom of Speech, Press, and Religion, along with principles of Due Process of Law (knowing accusations, accusers, evidence, witnesses, cross-examination, impartial judges, etc.). The Thomist epistemology and American principles rely on careful, thoughtful, rational processes to arrive at good ideas and policy.
The hellish policies rely on emotion (especially fear), hysterics, and bullying. Appeal to prideful self-righteousness and judging others are favorite tactics.
This explains why our Dragon Department encourages censorship, monopoly media, extra-judicial procedures and tribunals, and propaganda reinforced by threats and intimidation.
This has been a very successful year for The Department of Absurd Ideas; they may even win The Most Diabolical Department of the Year Award!