Skip to content

Parents Lose It after Free Crack Pipes, Hormone Blockers Found in White House Easter Eggs [SATIRE]

Note: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such.

Parents were outraged after the White House Easter egg hunt when the kids cracked the eggs open and, rather than finding candy, the kids found free crack pipe kits and pamphlets about why they should become transgender and start taking hormone blockers.

An anonymous White House official, speaking out about the issue on the condition of anonymity, had this to say:

Well, inflation has made candy so expensive that we just didn’t know what to do. $5 for a small pack of Kit-Kats? Give me a break. We asked Biden whether we could repurpose some of the budget meant for paying for rabies shots when his dog bit people to pay for the generic brand candy that was still at least somewhat affordable, but he was beyond useless. He just kept chewing on a piece of leather he found somewhere, thinking it was a candy bar, and asking why the “good chocolate” he found last week wasn’t around anymore. I have no idea what the “good chocolate” is, but we’re giving him every medication under the sun just in case it was something he shouldn’t have been eating.

So, anyway, we had to find something to put in the eggs. Klaus Schwab offered to send us bugs to put in them so kids could learn to “eat ze bugs,” but the crickets kept chirping so it made the eggs too easy to find when we tested that out, and we didn’t want the kids to be disappointed.

After that, we were basically out of time, so we had to scrounge around and found all those free crack pipes we had to stop handing out after people caught on, and fresh batch of hormone blockers the pharma companies sent us as a “thank you” for attacking that thing DeSantis is doing. So, we just shoved those in the eggs and hoped for the best. I mean, it is the Biden White House, so we thought the parents would see it as some quirky progressive thing. They didn’t; they were furious.

Hunter Biden was interviewed too, as Biden was getting his stomach pumped due to the “good chocolate” worries and “Dr.” Jill went to the hospital to provide her advice as a very serious and very well regarded doctor. He, discussing the incident, had this to say:

“Hormone blockers? What the **** are those? Sounds weird, I’m a big fan of hormones, particularly the ones that made me think it was a good idea to knock up that stripper. But crack pipes, why are people pissed about those? It’s just a bit of good fun for Good Friday, know what I mean?”

He then winked at us and pulled one out of an Easter egg, walking away and trying to get his lighter to spark.

The Biden White House could not be reached for comment, as the doctors were struggling to extract whatever the “good chocolate” was.

Will the Red Wave come crashing down on the Democrat's heads in November?(Required)
This poll gives you free access to our premium politics newsletter. Unsubscribe at any time.
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Parler and Gettr.