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6 Liberal Questions and Conservative Answers

Question 1: Why Do You Need Guns?

Liberal question: Why do you need to own weapons? If guns are outlawed nobody will die!

Conservative answers: There is always violence and for an old lady to protect herself from a burglar or a mob attacks a family they need weapons.

Liberal: That is what the police are for…

Founding Father George Washington: When we went about founding the country everyone accepted that was the case, there was no omnipresent police force who would get there just in time to call the coroner, we had to protect ourselves from the common criminal and also from the tyranny of the powerful. Those times are not so far from reality again for you citizens.

Question 2: Can You Change Gender?

Liberal question: You hurt my tender sensibilities when you told me I couldn’t be a girl tomorrow just in time to play in the girls’ tennis tournament.

Conservative answer: It is not right to ruin the girls’ athletics program because you want to, why not just go to the cooking class and play act being a girl there.

Founding Father James Monroe: What! Have you really let the country we wrested from the most powerful empire known to man come to the level of a lunatic society? You aren’t worthy of our sacrifice.

Question 3: Do You Have to Bake a Cake?

Liberal question: Why do you object to baking a cake for a wedding with 2 men on top and rainbow layers in the cake.

Conservative answer: It is against my religious belief to participate, and call a marriage, this union. Come back on Labor Day when you’re having a baby and I will bake a cake for the coming-out party; AND line up the news crews.

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Founding Father Alexander Hamilton: Marriage is between a man and a woman as prescribed in the Bible and any other union is not marriage. Run off and do you but it is not marriage.

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Question 4: Where Will the National Guard be Quartered?

Liberal question: Why are you quartering the National Guard in our Northern Virginia houses?

Conservative answer: Since you have been trying to take away the rights, I think are important, I thought I would give you a taste of your own medicine and violate the third amendment. And we just charge 2000 more pizzas on your credit card.

Founding Father John Adams: What’s pizza?

Question 5: But What If Free Speech Hurts My Feelings?

Liberal question: Why are you allowed to say things that I don’t agree with when, in fact, they hurt my feelings

Conservative answer: Facts don’t care about your feelings.

Founding Father Thomas Jefferson: And there are slander laws if something written or spoken is an untruth that reaches a level of harm to yourself or your reputation or that is also harmful to the body politic. I could say more and normally would as is my nature to do but as it is with so many occurrences in this state of nature with natures God overseeing the greatest and least of said occurrences I will be brief, only continuing until my chess match with George Washington, a very able Commander of the Army but someone I differ with, sometimes mightily, on degree of sternness is to begin.

Question 6: Can We Change Election Laws to Hold onto Power?

  1. Liberal question: Why can’t I change election laws to favor my team in an election and then change them again to insure permanent one-party rule?
  2. Conservative answer: Tenth Amendment.
  3. Founding Fathers Patrick Henry, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, Benjamin Franklin, John Jay, Paul Revere, John Paul Jones, etc.: THAT IS WHAT THE 2ND AMENDMENT IS FOR

By: David Gignac

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