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If Joe Biden Was a Tesla Salesman – Satire

Imagine you are in the market for a new car.  You have heard good things about that new car named Tesla.  It’s electric, so it’s good for the environment. It has many safety features. And it may even fit your budget.  Imagine you walk into a Tesla dealership to take a look at the car, and Joe Biden happens to be your salesman.  

Here is his best strategy to sell you a Tesla:

  • Biden tells you how many accidents Tesla drivers had last month.  He reports in great detail how painful and dangerous each accident was.  He emphasizes that the other night, even Lindsay Graham got into an accident driving a Tesla.
  • Biden tells you how many gory accidents Tesla divers had last month using Tesla’s autopilot feature. He emphasizes how even Lindsay Graham crashed a Tesla using autopilot. Then he looks at you vacantly and tells you to do your civic duty and buy a tesla and use autopilot.
  • Biden tells you that your state just discontinued all the financial incentives they had for electric car owners.  In fact, even after you buy a Tesla, you are still required to pay a gas tax.
  • Then Joe Biden brings out Jennifer Anniston.  Jennifer tells you that she doesn’t speak to people who drive cars other than Tesla.  She also tells you that if you don’t get a Tesla on the spot, you’ll be required to announce it in your local newspaper.
  • Then Joe Biden turns on CNN.  You hear Chris Cuomo telling you if you are not driving a Tesla, you are endangering his friends in the Hamptons who sacrificed for society by getting a Tesla when it just came out.  Then, Don Lemon tells you that even though Tesla may not be the right car for you, it is your moral duty to own one.
  • Then Biden brings out a copy of the New York Times.  He shows you an article on how you are killing the planet by not driving a Tesla.  The article asserts that the next building collapse in Miami will be your fault.  The next forest fire in California is on your conscience.  You will even be blamed for the next beheading in Afghanistan because everybody knows terrorism is exacerbated by global warming.
  • Biden tells you that your local restaurant and your gym will not allow you in unless you can prove that you came in a Tesla.
  • Biden says that you may soon be mandated by the government to buy a Tesla.  However, you must know that illegal immigrants coming from the Southern border will be exempt from the mandate, and there will be more cheap gas guzzlers polluting the environment on the market made just for them.

It doesn’t matter if it’s vaccines, critical race theory, voting laws, election integrity, defunding the police, or abandoning border security; Joe Biden and the democrat party are shysters selling Americans bad policies with help from media allies and celebrities.

As long as people keep voting for these hucksters parading as anti-anything -American politicians at all levels of government, we’re going to be coerced and forced to buy “Teslas.”

 RWR original article syndication source.