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Satire: A Diagram of a “Peaceful Protest”

Well, Kyle Rittenhouse was recently acquitted. Now the shop owners of America will once again get to prove their loyalty to the proletariat by letting their stores be peacefully looted by the black-clad heroes of the revolution. These proletariats seem to require far more Louis Vuitton products than those that formed the Soviet Union, so the revolution should be eternally grateful to those stores that have provided such goods to the peaceful protesters for free at nighttime.

In any case, what are all the elements of a peaceful protest?

Well, the first element is the mob of peaceful protesters that happen to normally be followed by broken glass and flaming buildings. Typically they’re wearing all-black outfits, have their distinguishing characteristics hidden by some combination of masks, hoods, and sunglasses, and carry along all the typical accouterments of a peaceful protest: bricks, bludgeons, and shields.

Makes total sense, what’s a “fiery but mostly peaceful” protest without the occasional Viking-style shield-wall battle with police that’s illuminated by the lapping flames of a burning Wendy’s? And, with their middle-fingers raised and vulgar slogans the peaceful protesters show us just how thoughtful and eloquent they are.

Those evil reactionaries that look down on peaceful protests call such people “thugs” or “goons.” Some even call them “Brownshirts,” charging them with being the stormtroopers of the far-left! Wrong! They, like Michael Brown and Trayvon Martin, are “gentle giants.” Their raised fists, Molotov cocktails, and waistband-tucked handguns with scratched-off serial numbers don’t make them violent, nor do their beatings of cops or killings of innocents trying to save the small businesses they spent a lifetime trying to build.

No, the black-clad peaceful protesters are poets and heroes making their voices heard until rosy-fingered dawn begins to light up streets previously illuminated only by flaming cars. In this brave new world, that’s just what peaceful protester means; it’s the new way to say “violent, murderous riot.”

The next element of a peaceful protest is the scenery. The Antifa goons really know how to set a similar aesthetic across all of their peaceful protests. Flaming cop cars and other unfortunate vehicles are there for lighting; like the human torches lining Nero’s gardens they might not be the most efficient way to bring light to dark paths, but they certainly are memorable. The broken glass of looted stores and other small businesses adds a star-like twinkle to the street and really adds some ambiance.

The final element of any good, peaceful protest is rage. Rage against whites. Rage against the nation and its history. Rage against the police. Rage against the world. More rage than was present in the protests that led to the dissolution of the Soviet Union, which is shocking given the prosperity and permissive environment that most of these heroic peaceful protesters live in.

And, most importantly, we know what a peaceful protest is not; it’s not a trespass into the Capitol, the “People’s House.” Though the two might share a few similar characteristics–hidden faces, a bit of broken glass, rage about some issue or other discussed on the internet–a trespass into the Capitol is NOT a peaceful protest, mainly because Republicans are there. Since those evil reactionaries are present, what would otherwise be a peaceful protest is instead a “violent insurrection.”

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Had the black-clad heroes of the revolution been there, it would have been a peaceful protest. But they and their Molotov cocktails and pallets of bricks weren’t, so it obviously wasn’t a peaceful protest. Duh, it makes total sense, especially if you have the smooth brain that many on Team Antifa have.

By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Parler and Gettr.